I'm human, what are you?

himynameisfreak @ 2006-10-14T21:44:00

2006-10-14T21:50:00Z

The wedding was kool... Johnny and I had to do the music since the pionist didn't show... It was fairly simple just a cd... but we screwed up a few times... It was ok though.

I danced with Johnny a few times at the reception it was awesome. My dad even danced with my aunt Mel... and I'm not talking slow dance I mean he was out there dancing to a hip hop song... Yeah... big asian guy shaking his ass... it was pretty funny...(yes,we do have it all on film...)

I'm just sitting here bored out of my mind... We're not doing much today, just returning the movies to my knowledge...

3 days till I find out...

himynameisfreak @ 2006-10-11T21:14:00

2006-10-11T21:19:41Z

Well I had my number changed today... I opted to not press charges on whoever was calling me. I told the police station it wasn't worth it...

My cousins wedding is friday... My little sister, my niece and my nephew are in it..

I don't know what's up with Teisha, there's alot I wish I could say to her if she ever came back and gave me the chance... (SO we could atleast be aquiantices if not friends)

I am so worried about the 17th... Fuck I am freaking about it, and Johnny doesn't even know... I don't want to say anything and have him worried, I wouldn't put him through that....

I'm getting all A's and I haven't picked up the brush in awhile I've just been so uninspired....

It's cold, and our furnace doesn't work...

himynameisfreak @ 2006-10-10T01:15:00

2006-10-10T01:19:26Z

I had to get a filling and a seal on two of my back teeth.

Johnny, RJ, and I all went to the mall, it was kool.

Blehg Sobe Adrenaline Rush is gross...

I have to go to my cousin's wedding Friday, should be intresting..

himynameisfreak @ 2006-10-08T04:44:00

2006-10-08T04:53:15Z

I have to go to the dentist Moneday to have my seals redone, go me...

I've been on this watercolor kick lately, in fact I just spent all my savings on more stuff today... I suck at it, but it's fun so who cares?

I got another poem published through poetry.com, I hope I atleast make it to finalist.

Wake up America

Wake me up when it's ok to be Gay.
When it's ok for me to pray to my God.

Unbury me from the dust collecting on our minds.
Wake me up from this nightmare of straight lines.

^Poem that was entered(What do you think?)

himynameisfreak @ 2006-10-04T06:36:00

2006-10-04T11:41:09Z

Well Johnny isn't living with my sister anymore, and well her and I aren't on speaking terms either...

My appointment for the test got changed to the 17th, no idea why.

I have to go to the dentist today... I hate going, and I haven't been in quite awhile but hopefully all goes well.

My hair is finally long enough for pigtails... Yay!

I'm doing all right in school I guess, kinda slacking but not enought to have a bad grade by any means...

I'm worried about if I am pregnant... I mean what the hell am I going to do?

himynameisfreak @ 2006-09-27T22:33:00

2006-09-28T03:40:54Z

Well it's been fairly uneventful lately...

I haven't started my period again, I'm over a week late... I don't find a point in buying a test when I see a gyno in about a week. I've had the symptoms for awhile now, but the tests kept coming back negative, and I've been having a half-assed period (short and light)...

My R.A is getting worse, and to be honest it kinda scares me...

Johnny told me yeterday that my sister and my mom were talking about how I lied about being molested, and that I change my doctor evertime they say something I don't like... It pissed me off so much I cried...

I have all A's so far in school...

himynameisfreak @ 2006-09-20T21:09:00

2006-09-21T02:17:20Z

I was watching a show in my Dad's room when he turned to me and said that Johnny needs new clothes and I can't tell anyone but we're going to take him out shopping...

Johnny's ex Carla goes to my school, I don't want to be rude so I talked to her when she came up to me.. Johnny wants me to just ignore her but I'm not like that...

This weekend Johnny and I were at Walmart, Stephanie and Ben were too.... She kept starring and saying shit to me... I was so annouyed I was shaking...

I think I got all A's so far, I'll find out friday on my grade report...

himynameisfreak @ 2006-09-19T20:54:00

2006-09-20T01:58:26Z

Well I've been staying at my Sister's for the last week, I just came home. I just found out why my Mother won't let me live there. Apparently last week when my Brother's GF saw me I was wearing underwear (I was), no bra (what's new?), and apparently I smelt badly of sex... I had a shower that day, and I didn't get any, but why she had to gossip to my Mother I don't know. I called and left my Mom a message on her cell to let her know I was dissapointed that she thought so low of me... But ahh well...

I am so bored!!!

himynameisfreak @ 2006-09-11T20:49:00

2006-09-12T01:58:21Z

I have like no money left, almost all of it was spent on Johnny, which is actually better than me spending it on nothing.... I think he looks so cute with his ear pierced now, heh...

God my dad is such a jerk. I got in the car and he started in on me, we ended up having to go back for my stuff, which he was pissed about. I ended up hurting my leg and smashing my rose because my dad tore out of there before I was even close to sititng... Yeah he's pissed at me because he says I'm trying to get pregnant, and such nonsense... I've been hidding my ring from him.. I just don't want to deal with him screaming.... And if I was trying to get pregnant, why are there condoms in my purse?

Meh... I am dreading school tomorrow, I think I have my paper done... But I didn't even work on my World War 2 notes.. I'm suppsed to get that paper wrote to make up for my credit last year...

himynameisfreak @ 2006-09-10T10:23:00

2006-09-10T15:31:13Z

Well friday Johnny gave me a rose... and then he gave me a a ring.. It's not "real" but it is beautiful... It was a half size to small and he felt bad about it so he cut it in the middle to "resize" it... Hehe... He even got my Mom's blessing before hand... I couldn't answer him when he asked me, I don't know why words wouldn't come, I just kissed him, clung to him, and started to cry.... I suspected that he was going to when he was talking to my mom so I couldn't hear but I figure not, since we had just got back together, and all... And then he gave me a rose, which threw me...

Yesterday I paid for him to get his ear pierced, it's nice. We went to the tattoo parlor but they wanted to much for such a small thing...

himynameisfreak @ 2006-09-07T14:39:00

2006-09-07T19:49:15Z

Well this morning I texted Johnny to let him know I dyed all my hair purple and well he called... We ended up figting, he started being and ass so I told him I was done, done with everything done with us... He freaked out saying no, and saying that I must have never loved him blah blah blah... I said whatever... we argued some more and then we agreed to talk about it tonight... So we're not together, but we're not broke up... So I guess we're in limbo?

Fucking hell. I keep getting private calls and I'm on the verge of going insane.. My mom doesn't want me to call the police station but I don't feel like listening to it all day... What should I do?

Teisha wasn't at school today big suprise... (yeah right)

I had some intresting makeup today...

I don't know why but in my first class today I felt like I was going to puke. I was fine all morning, I was fine right before and then all the sudden it just hit me out of nowhere.. After awhile it went away but it really sucked, and I'm not sure why it happened.

himynameisfreak @ 2006-09-06T15:59:00

2006-09-06T21:05:34Z

My bridge is irritated and a bump was forming so last night I took it out to clean it and everything, and guess what? I lost the end of my barbell so I ended up having to go into town to go to Hottopic to get some cheap plastic ones... yeah my piercer doesn't work on Tuesdays...

Well I hate Gaia forums now... I started a discussion on age and peoples opinion on if it matters or not and well it seems everyone was more intrested in belittling my life than discussing anything... I even mentioned that the thread was meant for the discussion and not their views on my life...

himynameisfreak @ 2006-09-05T15:39:00

2006-09-05T20:57:04Z

Well Thurday(I beleive) I told Johnny how I felt, at first I just told him something was on my mind but I didn't know if I should say it. He begged me to, so I let it spill. I told him how I felt, and why I thought a seperation would be best, and then he told me no. He told me he wasn't going to lose me and he wouldn't except it. A few more things were said and pretty soon I'm in tears and I can barely speak I'm emotional, and he's just screaming away at me on the phone... Eventually he calmed down enough to realize I had agreed to give us another chance... Yeah he spent the next half hour apologising... Friday night he was at my Sister's babysitting, so I went over there for the weekend. He's trying I must give him that, I really must. Honestly I think if he can control himself we can work through this.

Sunday afternoon my gramma Sumako and my aunt Nancy on my Dad's side came to town from Ohio. I visited them for awhile. And then Monday my Grandmother wanted to see me. My Dad picked me up, and the whole way there was making me think I was in trouble. When I got there I found out the real reason they came down. I guess my Grandmother decided since I'll be sixteen soon that I needed a car and had came down in the hopes of letting me picking out a car and buying it. Well my Grandmother hadn't realized that I didn't have my license yet so she has decided that she's going to pay for my Driver's Ed, and then get me a car. I am only allowed a new car under $20,000. So yeah that's kool.

God my bussing still isn't figured out so I'm in the office everyday having them call...

I have to do a report for American History in order to make up my credit from last year. Yeah joy... And then I'm doing double the math work to make up for last years math as well. Yeah someone pointed out to me I'm a super freshmen since this is my second year... Wow I feel great...

I wore my new halter top with my new tie shirt today they looked nice, other than having to fidget with my strapless every now and then.. heh

himynameisfreak @ 2006-09-04T21:09:00

2006-09-05T02:20:32Z

Well I talked to Johnny and he told me no... Yeah I didn't know it was a question... Long story short we're still together...

himynameisfreak @ 2006-08-31T18:03:00

2006-08-31T23:10:52Z

....

I've been thinking alot about me and Johnny... And I've decided we need to split, I'm not saying forever but we both need to work on ourselfs, before there can be an "us". Because the problems aren't worh the stress, I have school to worry about, and right now, I'm not in the mind set for a serious relationship. I need to live for awhile, and figure out me... If that makes sense... I've decided to tell him tonight. God, I feel like shit... It's not what I want, it's what I need.

himynameisfreak @ 2006-08-30T13:19:00

2006-08-30T18:30:58Z

Well yesterday I didn't have a bus. My classes were ok, and I went to Teisha's after school.

Today I had a bus, from my house to West where I had to catch another one... God I want a new bus from West... I get to ride the ROTC bus... It fucking sucks. Yeah Jessy's on there but I hate the people on their because all the higher ups think their God because of their rank, hate to break it to them but that only applies to other people in ROTC.. and I know I'm headed for a fight, and it's only the first day... Wow that's sad.

My classes were alright, but my bus home was a disaster. Last night when the Bus Lot called they gave me my morning schedule, and told me I would have a bus home, don't worry about it, they'll call and let my school know. Yeah, they never did, when we finally got ahold of them they said she was outside.. Yeah she spoke broken english, didn't understand me very well, and they neglected to tell her where I live. So yeah that was intresting. Oh they never told me my afternoon bus schedule...

Tomorrow is my first full day of school, so it should be long and dull..

They got rid of Pre Algebra, so now I'm stuck in General Math since they never gave them the new books for before Algebra(me and numbers don't get along).. Yeah so it's gonna be easy and boring...

himynameisfreak @ 2006-08-29T05:44:00

2006-08-29T10:49:51Z

I'm sitting here letting my hair airdry before I style it...

Heh, I have such an intresting style, I'm sitting here wearing shredded blue jeans, pink short skirt, and my Manson tee... I wish I had my fishnet shirt, and pot hole tights.... I would be wearing them to if I had them..

I still don't know about my bus.

Tonight after school I'm going to Teisha's, hopefully she won't make me walk any where...

Ofcourse I had to "start" right before school, so now my stomache is bugging me... And I know I'll be bitchy, right now I'm to tired to be bitchy..

himynameisfreak @ 2006-08-28T18:11:00

2006-08-28T23:26:50Z

Ok.. Firstly I bleached and dyed my hair. It's light blonde with streaks of pinkish purple. Secondly I gave up my whole vegetarian thing, due to the fact that I have no money and starving is not an option.

Ok, yesterday was my big family reunion thing, Johnny went it was fun. I didn't really no anybody and then my R.A. got to the point that I couldn't really walk but it was ok.

I start school tomorow, still no idea about my bus... Joy huh?

I talked to teisha she's working on getting my stuff.

Now that I'm with Johnny, I look at women more and more, not like I want them or anything but, I notice them more...

I'm debating if I keep my hair how it is or if I go all blonde/purple?

I've realized how much I dislike having a Japanese Dad... He's an ass most of the time... Then again, my "American" Mother, is so self absorbed... (ahh the things I notice about my parents..) Don't mind me I'm comparing my parents on a cultural level... My conclusion is they drive me insane regardless.

himynameisfreak @ 2006-08-26T11:48:00

2006-08-26T16:55:35Z

Well I called Kim, no answer, big suprise, and left the message that someone either gets ahold of me or I'm reporting it stolen.

I'm going over to aRats tonight, should be kool, Johnny's there.

Why do you push me away?
And then ask me to stay,
Ask for a kiss,
And then poison your lips...
-Sami Joe

Yeah Johnny and I got into another fight last night^

himynameisfreak @ 2006-08-25T17:28:00

2006-08-25T22:41:02Z

Yay I'm all squeeky clean(I just got out of the shower)! I look strange right now, I'm doing a peel so I had to clip my hair back. The only thing I don't like about my peel is that it's clear so I can't really see if I got everything. Ahh well.

I think I'm going to bleach my hair this monday, since school starts tuesday for me. I'm thinking just the bangs, maybe a streak or two, and I'll decide on a color later on.

I've decided that if I don't hear back from Teisha or her Mom by tomarrow I'm going call and say that I eather hear somthing in the next day or I'm filling a report, I look at them like family beleive it or not and I really don't want to, but I'm not going to play games either.

I'm going over to aRat's tomarrow, to help Johnny watch Shane. Then Sunday we're going to my family's picnic. How fun...

Oh, I'm officially vegetarian now, I've been thinking about it, and meat is making me sick anymore so I'm gonna try and avoid it all together. Now hopefully my Mom is understanding and willing to take me shopping for the food.

My nails are a little over half and inch from the tips of my fingers, and I finally have typing down!

I'm bored and I really should clean but I'm not really in the mood, and for some reason I have a migrane tht keeps coming and going..

Yeah, my new obsession of Gaia hates me right now, for some reason the site keeps freezing, and nothing seems to want to work with me...

himynameisfreak @ 2006-08-25T14:00:00

2006-08-25T19:09:18Z

Grr... Teisha's phone is disconnected, and Kim (her Mom) won't answer or return my calls. I need my shit. If they won't give it back then, either Johnny has to go over there and try or I have to report it stolen, and I really don't want to...

Stuff:

Blk Skirt

Boxers

Mesh Shirt

Tribal Thermal Tee

My Wallet

My Digi Cam (she swears it's not there)

And My Math Book and School Shit from Last Year

Oh and she had my Tag

I warn you now, it's gonna be a lengthy one...

2006-08-25T06:45:38Z

Ok... Today started off ok, I mean we had pizza for lunch. We went in town after that because our ovens broke (caught fire) and Ronni's unpack your backpack day, was today.. Yeah we went to Hy Vee and bought cookies(we volunteered for the bakesale).. Hehe... That was ok.
Then we headed back in town (Davenport) to go to Walmart to look at shoes. I actually found two pair beleive it or not! A pair of sneakers and some white dress shoes. Then amazingly my father took us to the movies store to get some movies. Yeah the best part? I saw Andrew (kid from school) whom asked me about (dare I say it?) my ex fiance... Teisha... I almost choked... Now that I think of it I need to head over there though, she has my shit... (fucking pregnant ass bitch, fucking whore...) ok all better now... Yeah she's the chick who cheated on me on my fucking birthday... What's even sadder I took her back then she fucked the guy I had a crush on, why you ask? to get fucking drugs.. ok I swear now, all better!

Yeah I rented Phat Girlz, it's actually pretty good. It got me thinking though, Johnny's the only guy I've been with who will actually only really be with bigger chicks. Not many guys really do I've noticed.. Ahh well their loss..

Yeah I've decided to dye my hair again, no idea what color. I'm thinking just the bangs, and maybe a few streaks? I opted to not get my mohawk back...

Oh and I have gained a new online addiction... Gaia.. Neopets got old...

I still have no clue what bus I'm ridding...

Yeah and I've decided I'm gonna miss Kiowa this year, even though he could get annouying, and rarely talked to me...

Yeah I'll admit it, I still have alot of angst about Teisha, and other feelings... Fucking Chris's ass had to get in the way of us finally being kool though... mother fucker....

I think I'll go scream now..

Not even one, and already bitching...

2006-08-23T17:39:45Z

Well Johnny called, not to see how I was doing but to see if I had asked to come over yet. I told him I hadn't even bothered because I didn't realize school was a week away and I'm not ready. he sounded pissed when he said alight.... I told him "hun I got to go, my minutes, I'll talk to you tonight, I promiss, love you" . You really wanna know what he said.. why I'm pissed at him... "yeah uhuh" that's what he said and when I asked "whats that supposed to mean. He hung up...

So I called him back and asked him if we wanted me to yell at him now or later, he asked why... So I tore into him, he had nothing to say so I made some remark and hung up... He had the balls to call back and say "love you", so I hung up...

He makes this seem like a fucking game..

(joy he called again)

I've had my coffee, let's try this again...

2006-08-23T12:01:27Z

I got some food and coffee in me so we can try this again...

It just suddenly hit me school starts in six days, and I'm not even ready... Hopefully we'll go shopping today.

My schedule:

~~Monday~~
No school

Tuesday through Friday
8:10-9:06 Relationships- LaFrenz
9:11-10:07 Ind. Math- Neilsen
10:17-11:02 Focus/SSr- ~~Mishra~~ Jones
11:07-12:05 Writting Today- Mishra
Lunch
12:35-1:31 ~~Inv. Biology- Gaydosh~~ Guided Study- Neilsen

Tuesday/Thursday
1:35-3:32 Skills- Sherwood

I still haven't heard from the bus lot, and I might have my schedule tweaked so I can have Guided Study.

(updated)

himynameisfreak @ 2006-08-23T05:16:00

2006-08-23T10:17:32Z

My god I fucking hate this! I typed this nice long entry and now it's all gone...